Temporary/Lasting Changes

I have temporarily uprooted myself from Long Island to spend three lovely weeks in Williamsburg, Brooklyn. Though the cats and plants must be fed and looked after, I am temporarily living the life. (More about this later.)

As I've learned many times, a good night's sleep helps bring good ideas the help they need to be smart ideas. When I woke up this morning I had a realization: in my odd introductory post I neglected to get to the point of my being here, typing all of this, on the internet. This time around it isn't (just) a place for me to vent and feel self-important, it's more of a true running log. In the past, my records have betrayed themselves and lapsed into vague suggestions of feelings no longer felt; they have meanings that no longer refer.

Now that a large chunk of youthful uncertainty has passed--I made it through high school and college, found my interests and myself--I'm left to face the open void that is, essentially, adulthood. I need to find a job. I need to move out of my parent's house. I need to, in the crudest and simplest terms, get my shit together...but how? What do I want to be (besides a well-paid something-or-other)? What do I want to do (besides watch reality TV and read celebrity gossip)? Where do I want to go (besides visiting all the cool places in the world)?

The big "H" seems to be on the tip of everyone's tongue, or at least it's somewhere on the palette, and more often than not it seems that the answer remains elusive even once things start working out. I've done internships, but I still want to go to graduate school; I'm done with college and had a wonderful life-changing experience, but I sometimes wish that it could just start again or wish that it had just kept going. My life now calls for constant job searching, and thus constant self-questioning--yet another stint of, even greater, uncertainty than the stages I've already gone through.

I'm currently sitting in the kitchen drinking tea and listening to the cats' infinity water bowl and the constant dry hum of the BQE. Even though I'm out of my house, I still feel the need to get out and be someone, do something and go places.

For starters, I need a personal project, aside from cover-letter-writing and computer-staring and blog writing, so I'm going to (do my best) to start a 365 project: one photo, of anything, per day for one year. I'll throw those here every day, if not only to keep track, and will add to them my woes and (hopefully) triumphs as a post-grad girl just looking to live.